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Parent Definitions
Words that you or I would commonly use for one meaning, have a completely
different meaning to parents in a family...
AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have
sex again.
BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.
DEFENSE: what you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the
children play outside.
DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.
DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart
to keep you from falling into financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained
carrots.
FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though
they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we
say.
LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream
it.
OWWW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.
PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.
PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contradiction in terms.
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry
shoes.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to
your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that
children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the
children.
THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make
those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: able to whine in words.
WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.
WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".
e same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls,
subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what
city we were in."
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake.
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